Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
