either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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