So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
