I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
