I cockslap morals
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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