I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
