Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
