You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
