The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
