Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
