I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
