if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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