I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
