put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
