The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
