6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
