sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
