Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
