just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
