I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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