the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
