i think my mom watched the whole time
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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