the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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