dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
