Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
