i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
