You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize