my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
