How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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