nut hugger
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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