Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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