Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
