why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
