Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
