What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
