My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize