If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
