i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
