I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
