Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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