Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
