this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
