I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
