she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
