Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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