then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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