We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize