A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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