The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
