There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
