I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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