I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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