i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
