I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
