One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Acid is not a monday night drug
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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