Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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