I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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