i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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