Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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