Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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