made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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