I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
