just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
