I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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