He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize