I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
